I'm in the classroom now, thanking God for joyful Mrs. Lawrence! This lady is the bomb. She is teaching the 2nd graders Thematic Reading. Before she starts teaching them everyday, she kneels down and she prays to God. Yes and she puts the lesson in God's hands. Today she was looking for Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories. I could only picture how they would look in my house and I was not sure if they were in the school. On my way to texting the principal to ask if the stories were here, she says "Let me kneel down pray and ask God about it." Minutes later, she's looking through the library and she finds the books! Amazing. I was like, "Praise God!" My first instinct is to always try and see what I can do for myself without even thinking of God as a last resort. But Mrs. Lawrence addresses God and He answers! Why am I amazed? Because I want that! I want that kind of faith that is ever present without dwindling for doubt. So I prayed that God would make me that kind of teacher and I had to write it in the blog because I know I would forget it if I waited until I went home. As Mrs Lawrence walked away from the library with book in hand, I was in awe at the wonder of God working through this woman to show me a worthy role model. Mrs. Lawrence is my testimony. Praise God!
Yeah...problems. I have cried more in these last weeks in front of people than I ever have. First last week, I cried because I made mistakes. This week, I cried because I interjected in a confrontation between John and Nadine ( my host parents) and I felt so justified but I suppose the Holy Spirit is working in me, or maybe it was self rising up in me but I felt remorseful about my outburst and I cried in front of them again as I was apologizing to John. Poor John. Poor host family. I believe crying is a response to the books I've been reading about dying to self. But I cannot discern whether it is the Holy Spirit or self that is causing this emotional response in me. But I am realizing the futility of self and it sucks being unstable. In other news, My hair is a mess. I slept on my twistout last night becasue I didn't want to twist them over again and risk more breakage. One side of my head is all straggly and the other side is full and luscious...

Mrs. Lawrence is a smart and faithful lady. I need to do what she does, I feel sometimes I can take on the world...but I need to remember I am not alone I have God and he is standing there with open arms waiting for me to ask for help.
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