When I was 10 or 11 years old, I was accused of having low self esteem. I use the word accused because you have no idea how much it felt like an accusation. At that age I was dealing with spiritual guilt for moral sins, truly understanding that my father did not like my mother, switching to a new junior high school and now I had to deal with projecting to my parents that I felt really good about myself. Now, I have no doubt that all of the previously mentioned burdens were factors in my low self esteem. I literally felt as if I was headed for hell at that age. How can one feel good about themselves when they are hell bound? I realized that I could keep my father home much less than my mother could. How could I feel good about myself when my father did not want me? My new school was filled with 11-year-olds who looked like they were 31 (no joke. Can someone say growth hormone?). How could I feel good about myself when I had male counterparts who were comparing my physical attributes to 31-year-old body parts? Last but not least, it does not feel good to be told you have low self esteem. In fact, I believe people use it as ammunition in arguments. My brothers did it often (although I'm quite sure they did not understand what it meant fully). My ex-boyfriend (who shall remain nameless) only told the truth during arguments, which is when he would use the low-self-esteem bomb which left me with no good comeback and hurt (low blow if you ask me).
For a long while, I thought that people just diagnosed me wrong. I thought I looked pretty but I was realistic so I understood that my appearance did not compete well with others of my age. Besides that, people do not truly want to be around someone who is haughty and proud and stuck on themselves all the time, or do they? People throughout my life have wanted to be around the proud and haughty. And just because I fear being proud or haughty, does not mean I have to go to the other extreme of extreme lowliness. (But wasn't Jesus meek and lowly? Another blog, another time).
Speaking directly about my physical appearance, I was made/created to have a high regard toward myself. I can walk into any store and find something that would fit me. My skin is soft and flawless (most of the time). My eyes are gorgeous. My natural hair is admired by white people. My legs are long. My neck is gracious. My pretty parts definitely out weigh my flaws and yet I act as if I am ashamed of all the great things that make me ...me in order to make my chubbier/shorter/ flatter sisters feel better. In regards to the diet I have chosen, I should not apologize for being a total vegetarian, but every time I walk into a restaurant that does not cater to my diet, I feel like I'm a burden to those serving me, when that's their actual job. My diet gives me a particular choice in what I can and cannot eat and yet I chose not to be picky about the taste and/or preparation of the food because I do not want to be a burden. I am pursuing a Masters in teaching and I have already graduated with a Bachelors in English Language Arts. I'm going to travel abroad (as I have done before) to teach and then pursue my Doctorate in 5 years time. I am that good stuff and I'm going to start treating myself like it. God, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalms 139: 14
Check out this video! BeautifulBrwnBabyDol does a good job on speaking on the subject and I definitely recommend watching this video and the whole series.
5 things I like about myself:
1) My eyes
2) My sense of humor
3) My skin
4) My thinness
5) My voice
5 goals I have for myself:
1) Masters by the end of this year - Doctorate in Psych in 5 years.
2) Make my own song by the end of the summer.
3) Long hair in 2 years
4) Traveling abroad for missions (spanish-speaking country) in two years
5) Learning a New language in two years ( connected with goal number 4)
Next blog post: Sorry ya'll but Malcolm is going to have to wait until Wednesday. I got homework assignments that I have not taken into consideration but they do come first. But Malcolm is super important, too.
By Thursday, I want to update my Don Lemon post
By Friday, Kwanzaa celebration here we come!!!!
For a long while, I thought that people just diagnosed me wrong. I thought I looked pretty but I was realistic so I understood that my appearance did not compete well with others of my age. Besides that, people do not truly want to be around someone who is haughty and proud and stuck on themselves all the time, or do they? People throughout my life have wanted to be around the proud and haughty. And just because I fear being proud or haughty, does not mean I have to go to the other extreme of extreme lowliness. (But wasn't Jesus meek and lowly? Another blog, another time).
Speaking directly about my physical appearance, I was made/created to have a high regard toward myself. I can walk into any store and find something that would fit me. My skin is soft and flawless (most of the time). My eyes are gorgeous. My natural hair is admired by white people. My legs are long. My neck is gracious. My pretty parts definitely out weigh my flaws and yet I act as if I am ashamed of all the great things that make me ...me in order to make my chubbier/shorter/ flatter sisters feel better. In regards to the diet I have chosen, I should not apologize for being a total vegetarian, but every time I walk into a restaurant that does not cater to my diet, I feel like I'm a burden to those serving me, when that's their actual job. My diet gives me a particular choice in what I can and cannot eat and yet I chose not to be picky about the taste and/or preparation of the food because I do not want to be a burden. I am pursuing a Masters in teaching and I have already graduated with a Bachelors in English Language Arts. I'm going to travel abroad (as I have done before) to teach and then pursue my Doctorate in 5 years time. I am that good stuff and I'm going to start treating myself like it. God, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalms 139: 14
Check out this video! BeautifulBrwnBabyDol does a good job on speaking on the subject and I definitely recommend watching this video and the whole series.
5 things I like about myself:
1) My eyes
2) My sense of humor
3) My skin
4) My thinness
5) My voice
5 goals I have for myself:
1) Masters by the end of this year - Doctorate in Psych in 5 years.
2) Make my own song by the end of the summer.
3) Long hair in 2 years
4) Traveling abroad for missions (spanish-speaking country) in two years
5) Learning a New language in two years ( connected with goal number 4)
Next blog post: Sorry ya'll but Malcolm is going to have to wait until Wednesday. I got homework assignments that I have not taken into consideration but they do come first. But Malcolm is super important, too.
By Thursday, I want to update my Don Lemon post
By Friday, Kwanzaa celebration here we come!!!!
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