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Lightbulb Moment

"All you would need is that deal with the devil or that complete surrender to God and you would be set. And yet I find myself dissatisfied with my miserable situation. My mediocrity greets me in the morning and I turnover and hide from the rest of my day. I want to go in. I want to live that Godly life of favor. I know he exists and I know He is faithful who  promised.  But I am never satisfied. I do not know if I live in the middle because I'm trying to keep my options open but I know that there are people going hard for God, giving their all to Him and I am just chilling. I don't want to go all in, because I don't want to be bought, tricked, hoodwinked. But I'm not willing to research what is the truth. I need help, lol. But I do have that nagging fear that while I'm on the sidelines slowly trying to find truth, that some person that's seeking more diligently will come in and snatch my heavenly crown."

I remember wirting this on my other blog and then my friend simplifying what I meant by saying something like: " You want to be bad but you're not ggod at being bad so you want to be good but you're not truly good."   I'm reading a book called, "A Life to Die for" And i just came across this paragragh that put this in to the simplest terms: "...many Christians are not living the satisfying life that they say Christ offers. They're frustrated and unhappy because they know too much about sin's transient and destructive nature to enjoy it's pleasures, but they don't have a level of commitment that let's them enjoy abundant living in Christ. This leaves them even less happy  than many unbelievers, who feel far less guilt about enjoying the pleasures of sin."  I read this and I went, 'That's me!' And then I just had to blog.  http://www.alifetodiefor.com/
This book was written by a two people who's lives were change by the abundant life. They were showing the dvd seminars at my church. I love them and I told my host mom, " I wished they had a larger book" becasue I only had the seminar booklet. And then she pulls out the book and I was intrigued. I haven't put it down since. Read it. 
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