Figuring myself out

There is such an imbalance in my personality my very nature is so sensitive and yet I want to be so accommodating. I think I accommodate so that I don't get attached to anything so that my hopes and expectations are not dashed when things don't go my way. Within the last 7 years I realized I have a voice that can demand what I want and get it. But I back down when opposed. And when I do get what I want I back down in order not to upset anyone because other people deserve to have their wishes met right? This accommodating stuff would be so much better if I weren't so sensitive. I need to be that stuck up chick who likes to get her way all the time, and uses all her powers to get her way. Unfortunately, more later

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Go Shorty! It's Your Birthday!

Yeah right. I did my hair. Actually my friend did it for me. My ends are a little frazzled. Unfortunately, the lady that I wanted to cut my hair waited until it was too late to contact me. She wants to reschedule for next week and if my hair is indicator now, she will be cutting off at least an inch, which means protective styles for the rest of the year. So I didn't get a proper trim because she was not free for the time she scheduled me. My ends look horrid! But I look fly. We fly high, no lie,... Yeah... So anyway... Praise God I'm 26 years old. In other news, focusing on God is getting harder. But I am up for the challenge. I need to be in order to come correct with God. And be prepared for Jesus and other things.

Dreams never lived

We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves,... -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest I've been ignoring this idea for a couple of days, that I have not accomplished things that I have shied away from for whatever reason. It's depressing to think of how far I've gone from my unfulfilled dreams. I always settle for less than best. I've dreamed of changing the youth program over here in California where I attend church. Never did it. I've dreamed of empowering my young people back home to make changes. Never did it. I've dreamed of becoming a Senior Youth Leader. Never finished! I've dreamed of being a Medical Missionary. Not accomplished. I dreamed of sining my own songs before people. Not done yet. I dreamed of writing tons of books. Completely unfulfilled. So in listening to the motivational speeches, I focus on things that I can do in the future rather than the things in the past that I have not accomplished but in truth, they

Complaining

Quite recently, I was speaking about having to wake up early in the morning in order to get a ride to the school. I was definitely hurt when someone responded and said that I was always complaining. Every once in a while, this person has hinted that I whine and complain. I was annoyed because to be quite honest I would love to use this person for a character comparison. Unfortunately, I actually like this person, which is why it hurt when I heard this person say this. Which made me think: Does this person even want to be around me? They don't respond to my texts and they give me strange looks. Unfortunately, I do complain but not in the spirit of being mean spirited and pessimistic. But mostly in the spirit of needing something to talk about. It annoys me that my life is only summed up in the amount of things I can complain about. It annoys me that I am not joyful enough to be better.Help me Jesus to be better. Phillipians 2: 14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 t

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