Skip to main content
Have you ever so utterly despised who you were that everything about yourself made you cry? How do you live with yourself? Is there a cure? How can you breathe in the same body as yourself? Is it possible for you to not be who you are? Is there a point where life gets better? Can you survive this? I'm a firm believer that people who do not like themselves are either doomed to keep searching or to give up. I am always in pursuit. Or am I standing still? I'll be plain: I'm not happy. The persistence of my unhappiness is so thoroughly engulfed in self. I'm not happy. I know it's something I want. I feel the desire for it. But I am not who I want to be. I am so unforgivably stuck. Who cures the forever stagnant? Doesn't God hear the prayers of the broken and contrite? Have I not cried enough? Does my sadness seem like some thing to yearn for? Do you hear me? Why don't you listen? Am I to dirty for You to hear me? Is there a God for the forsaken? If I'm so talented, gifted and blessed, why am I so lost? What is wrong? Am I crazy? Will you please take away my sadness? I'm tired. Maybe tired of running from you. But tired nonetheless.
Psalm 130 I hope in the Lord and his redemption. I wait on Him to remove my sadness and to give me Joy, to reveal His purpose. Hope in the Lord

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Go Shorty! It's Your Birthday!

Yeah right. I did my hair. Actually my friend did it for me. My ends are a little frazzled. Unfortunately, the lady that I wanted to cut my hair waited until it was too late to contact me. She wants to reschedule for next week and if my hair is indicator now, she will be cutting off at least an inch, which means protective styles for the rest of the year. So I didn't get a proper trim because she was not free for the time she scheduled me. My ends look horrid!  But I look fly. We fly high, no lie,... Yeah... So anyway... Praise God I'm 26 years old. In other news, focusing on God is getting harder. But I am up for the challenge. I need to be in order to come correct with God. And be prepared for Jesus and other things.
2 comments
Read more

Dreams never lived

We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves,... -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest I've been ignoring this idea for a couple of days, that I have not accomplished things that I have shied away from for whatever reason. It's depressing to think of how far I've gone from my unfulfilled dreams. I always settle for less than best.  I've dreamed of changing the youth program over here in California where I attend church. Never did it. I've dreamed of empowering my young people back home to make changes. Never did it. I've dreamed of becoming a Senior Youth Leader. Never finished! I've dreamed of being a Medical Missionary. Not accomplished. I dreamed of sining my own songs before people. Not done yet. I dreamed of writing tons of books. Completely unfulfilled. So in listening to the motivational speeches, I focus on things that I can do in the future rather than the things in the past that I have not accomplished but in truth, they...
Post a Comment
Read more

Complaining

Quite recently, I was speaking about having to wake up early in the morning in order to get a ride to the school. I was definitely hurt when someone responded and said that I was always complaining. Every once in a while, this person has hinted that I whine and complain. I was annoyed because to be quite honest I would love to use this person for a character comparison. Unfortunately, I actually like this person, which is why it hurt when I heard this person say this. Which made me think: Does this person even want to be around me? They don't respond to my texts and they give me strange looks. Unfortunately, I do complain but not in the spirit of being mean spirited and pessimistic. But mostly in the spirit of needing something to talk about. It annoys me that my life is only summed up in the amount of things I can complain about. It annoys me that I am not joyful enough to be better.Help me Jesus to be better. Phillipians 2:  14  Do all things without grumbling or disputing, ...
1 comment
Read more