The Cali Life

 In regards to the struggle for power, Langston Hughes stated: "Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did and it never will.". Of course, he was speaking about the oppression of people in America by the white elite. The organization of those in the abolitionist movement and of those in the suffrage movement, was necessary in order for power to concede the abolition of slavery or voting rights to women. The organization demands and the power conceded, slowly but surely. I see another lesson in this quote. Through Pharoah's talks with Moses, we see that demands had to be constant. For even though the cause is righteous, power concedes nothing without a consistent, demand. We must also realize the strength of will presented in Moses, probably fostered by God. Even though seemingly good compromises were made by the Pharaoh, Moses' requests stayed true to what God required of him. In being freed from the power of sin, we present ourselves before ourselves (In t...

I just realized my desire for a dastardly dramatic love affair may come from music choices. Check out my playlist: Love - Musiq Soulchild The Chain - Ingrid Michaelsom This Time - John Legend This Time - Melanie Fiona Like You'll Never See Me Again - Alicia Keys Love songs - every single one. Some are just talking about love. Some are pleading for love. Some are talking about love lost. But every single one is about love. I'm seeing too much in every male appearance in my life even though I'm not mentally or practically ready for a relationship. I've been feeling for something reckless but that's not for me. So everything has got me wondering if I'm attractive "enough" to the opposite sex. Grrr! I'm not that chick. I'm giving up really fast. Because I can't win and that's not the fight I want to fight right now in my life. I want to fight to be good enough for me not the male population. Love songs got me fighting for something...

I understand that I must be discerning and wise when it comes to men. I realize that I must make good choices when it comes to men, since it would be essential in building the character of my children. But I would like to be given the opportunity to like someone dashing and/or handsome and/or charming who like me back. I would enjoy a man's attention. Unfortunately, I do not have the disposition that would allow me to be free to  pick just any man that presents himself regardless of their character or personality. Nor do I have the luxury of being completely free of self conscious thought which allows me to assume that I cannot ever be sincerely complimented. But for a day, I want that freedom. A whirlwind romance, a love affair, a bad romance. Comedic  right? Bad romances are for the careless and irresponsible.

Have you ever so utterly despised who you were that everything about yourself made you cry? How do you live with yourself? Is there a cure? How can you breathe in the same body as yourself? Is it possible for you to not be who you are? Is there a point where life gets better? Can you survive this? I'm a firm believer that people who do not like themselves are either doomed to keep searching or to give up. I am always in pursuit. Or am I standing still? I'll be plain: I'm not happy. The persistence of my unhappiness is so thoroughly engulfed in self. I'm not happy. I know it's something I want. I feel the desire for it. But I am not who I want to be. I am so unforgivably stuck. Who cures the forever stagnant? Doesn't God hear the prayers of the broken and contrite? Have I not cried enough? Does my sadness seem like some thing to yearn for? Do you hear me? Why don't you listen? Am I to dirty for You to hear me? Is there a God for the forsaken? If I'm so ta...

I know I haven't kept up on my blog... Few reasons for that... 1) I'm not in California anymore. I'm back in NYC for the summer. YAY!!! So this blog has no relevance to what's going on now. I plan on starting a new blog about Kwanzaa. Might even do research at my schools library for more info. Which leads me to my next excuse. 2) I have school work. I am not starting this new blog until I catch up on all my school work. Yeah I'm behind. So next blog post on Thursday? It's highly possible. I just need to stick to it. Which leads me to my next excuse... 3) I got issues ya'll. You know how I suffer from discipline issues. Well that has not changed is the least. In fact... it has probably increased with age and (dare I say) practiced rebellion. Pray for your sister. Because If I do not discipline myself, I'm fitting to get an F in these classes I'm taking. Pray for your girl... See you on Friday. New blog: Kwanzaa!!! I might do an update on m...

I know I promised you'd get something since last weekend... I've been busy vacationing in NYC. This weekend is when you're getting up on my life and promised  But I just want to give you a quote:   White people knew the Negro better than the Negro knew himself. They knew that the Negro would spend every dollar, nickel, and penny he earned. White people planned to get back every penny they paid the Negro in salary. The Negro hasn’t sen se enough to see it. Negros love luxuries, they bought silk shirts that cost 10 dollars a piece. They bought dresses and suits that cost 100 dollars. No other race of people have lived like this. The Jews save at least 50% of what they earn. The Italians save at least 60% of what they earn, but what have the Negro saved? Who made those factory silk shirts, and those expensive silk socks that you bought?Who sold them to you, it was the white man. It grieves me, it brings me to tears. When I see a race not of children, but of matured minds play...

I know  haven't been keeping up with my posts.... But I will get it to you. I've been planning lessons plans based on the novel Pride and Prejudice, which lead to the internet search for  modern day interpretations for the book... which lead to this care package video...which inspired me to put together a care package for my wonderful friend Danielle. Things to include in a care package according to Lizzie Bennet and Fitz: Fun!!! Food!!! Love!!! Look out for it Danielle!!!!

I thought that it should be important for me to do some research on Kwanzaa before I went all full throttle Kwanzaa mode. Kwanzaa is a holiday created by  Maulana Karenga . While secular in nature, it does celebrate the cultural heritage on Black people in America. The Seven core principles of Kwanzaa are: Umoja  (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race. Kujichagulia  (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves. Ujima  (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems, and to solve them together. Ujamaa  ( Cooperative Economics ): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together. Nia  (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to...

This Video made me think of Don Lemon. You'll see why. The media seems to be so accepting of homosexuality and yet not accepting of those who choose to be heterosexual after clearly experiencing the homosexual side of things. Poor Antoine Dodson has to deal with people hating on him because he has chosen a different lifestyle. As I watch the video, I am a little annoyed that the anchor woman seems to find no problem with insulting millions of people who believe in a higher power and that higher power by sarcastically stating "pray the gay away". Can you say biased? She seems to be offended by his instability in choosing a sexual identity. People change their minds all the time. Why can't he be accepted for choosing to be a heterosexual? Antoine Dodson is definitely brave. But then his personality is so huge, he could pull it off.  I definitely appreciate Don Lemon's personality. I appreciate his support of Black History Month and the need for it. I li...

Burning the Midnight Oil... "Who taught you to hate who you are?"  I think it's important for me to quote something I mentioned before "No t only do white people view us as less than but we also view ourselves as less then or in comparison to them ." The need we have to compare ourselves to others is so strong. And it is made fairly easy because we don't set our own standard for what is beautiful, acceptable and palatable. The society on a whole sets that standard. The society of America is %70 white. Malcolm X calls in to question the need for our society to set the standard. Why can't you as the individual set that standard? Why are you begging for access from a society who unintentionally or intentionally sees you as less than themselves? Set your own standard. Create your own access. What I believe factored into the strength of Malcolm X's convictions was his upbringing. His parents were followers of Marcus Garvey and they celebrated black pr...

You've waited for it and now it is here. I'm just going to take this time reflect on Malcolm X and things I have learned about him from the film. His Mission. It's no secret that Malcolm X is definitely more aggressive than his southern counterpart, Martin Luther King, Jr. The fact that they both have two completely different religions says enough about their differences. But what about their mission? What is the difference between the mission of Martin and the mission of Malcolm? Consider their locations. Martin Luther King, Jr. ministered to the obvious and blatant racism within the south. Malcolm X catered to the psychologically oppressed negro of the North, a north that was not so blatant with racism.  He enlightened people about the folly of depending on white America,  having not been dependable in the past. He also inspired people to do more about their own situation in order to lift themselves up. He also created avenues by which Black people could become busines...

I got appointments today but I will not leave ya'll hanging. 4-5 Malcolm Reflection 5-6 Prepare Dinner 6-7 Dinner 7-9 Prayer Meeting 9-1 ( Hopefully not so late) Homework Assignment 1-2 Malcolm breakdown 2- 3 Take a shower, brush my teeth, go to bed Tonight will be a late one but you will get Malcolm.

       When I was 10 or 11 years old, I was accused of having low self esteem. I use the word accused because you have no idea how much it felt like an accusation. At that age I was dealing with spiritual guilt for moral sins, truly understanding that my father did not like my mother, switching to a new junior high school and now I had to deal with projecting to my parents that I felt really good about myself. Now, I have no doubt that all of the previously mentioned burdens were factors in my low self esteem. I literally felt as if I was headed for hell at that age. How can one feel good about themselves when they are hell bound? I realized that I could keep my father home much less than my mother could. How could I feel good about myself when my father did not want me? My new school was filled with 11-year-olds who looked like they were 31 (no joke. Can someone say growth hormone?). How could I feel good about myself when I had male counterparts who were comparing ...

I'm that natural sister that believes you need to be judged by the content of your character and not your outward appearance. But something is becoming more and more apparent to me on a daily basis... Ain't nobody looking at your character when they first meet you. I've noticed that there have been some things about myself that I have admired. I don't admire those things anymore. I don't know if it's maturity or the fickleness that is woman but I loved that fact that I was so simple in many things before. Now I can't stand it. People are always going to judge by outside appearance. So things I want to change about my outside appearance. I want longer hair - If this mean I have to give the Koreans more money so that I could where a weave that protects my hair from breakage, so be it. It definitely goes against my want to support black business. Cognitive Dissonance continues. Wait! I might have found an alternative:  http://www.bobsa.org/ I wan...

There is such an imbalance in my personality my very nature is so sensitive  and yet I want to be so accommodating. I think I accommodate so that I don't get attached to anything so that my hopes and expectations are not dashed when things don't go my way. Within the last 7 years I realized I have a voice that can demand what I want and get it. But I back down when opposed. And when I do get what I want I back down in order not to upset anyone because other people deserve to have their wishes met right? This accommodating stuff would be so much better if I weren't so sensitive. I need to be that stuck up chick who likes to get her way all the time, and uses all her powers to get her way. Unfortunately, more later

My friend and fellow volunteer teacher, Mrs. Lawrence is a doll. She was telling me the other day about a retreat she attended in which a lady mentioned that she wanted all her children to have boring testimonies. She explained that boring meant that they don't leave God to have an adventure in the world but they spend their whole life serving God. Isn't that what we all want for our children? Safe lives? Let me not downplay the testimony of someone who never dabbled in worldliness or was enslaved to sin. It's not boring. Being used by God is a good thing. We're so warped and twisted that we think the world has something better to offer. So we go out in the world, waiting for God's "big reveal" and then if he does, we devote the rest of our life to Him. But if we don't get that "big reveal"? Then our life would be a testimony to the power of the Devil. Personally, I like working for God and to know I'm in His will. It's assuring a...

Unfortunately, there are many young people in the church who do not truly believe for themselves that Jesus is God. Their waiting for God's "big reveal", while they insist on not fully living up to all the knowledge they have about God. It brings to mind the brother of the prodigal son who was angry at the Father for celebrating his brother's return. Luke 15: 29: Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might  celebrate with my friends.  He points out to his Father that he worked for him many years and has not received anything from the Father. This reveals that he is not content to be with the Father without reward to some extent. But the Father, reminds the son that he has access to everything that the Father owns. In Luke 15:31, the Father says:  Son,  you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours" Now, I like testimonies of people who were engrossed in the world and the...

My friend Shar (who is a youth leader over here) has a daughter who is not living up to all the truth she has. Basically, she knows Jesus is real and she believes in the Bible but she wants to party it up while she is in college. She says, " Mom, I don't have a story." Now you know what she is talking about when she says story. She's talking about that big testimony in which God intervenes in the life in a very remarkable way. She parties waiting for God's big reveal. Unfortunately, this reminds me of all the times when Jesus was asked for a sign, or what we will call a "big reveal", so that people would know He is who he says He is. In Matthew 12, he tells them the only sign would be the sign of Jonah. Luke 11 presents the same sign of Jonah. The sign of Jonah points towards the death of Christ (3 days in the belly of the earth) and to the life of Christ (testifies as a prophet). In Matthew 16, he adds an implication that there are signs available but...

So while I was in Korea, the only channel I watched on TV was CNN. I got to know many of the anchors and found myself...let's just say drawn to Don Lemon. If you don't know who it is, let my put up a pic.   Maybe you can understand now why I was drawn...LOL. So I was surprised when I came across this video clip from The Young Turks:       You can watch the whole thing but the part that really got to me is when it is stated that the sexual abuse he suffered at 4 years old had nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Seriously? At such a formative age? So are we supposed to believe that it has nothing to do with the fact that he is gay? Since meta-cognitive skills do not completely develop at the age of 4,  I think it's safe to say that you, Mr. Don Lemon, were not completely aware of your thought processes and you have no clue as to how it has affected you. If there is a direct correlation, I will leave it up to you to decide.     ...

I thought it would be easy to tackle this one first because all the other blog post ideas are not as clear as stating what I did to my hair and what happened to it. On Sunday last week, I washed my hair and then I braided it to stretch it out. Then on Tuesday, I put it in a bun. My mom came on Tuesday so I let her twist my hair. When my mom twists my hair, it just seems to come out so much better than when I twist it. She used this  as she twisted. I showed her the two different textures in my hair that I attributed to heat damage. She blamed it on the braids staying in my hair too long. And then I showed her how easily my ends just break off my hair. She also blamed that the braids. I don't think it is that simple. On Sunday, after a camping trip in which my hair was layered with ash from a very warm fire, I decided to wash my hair with the twists in . First, I prepooed with  , after which I sprayed with water. Then I sealed with   and . I covered my head with a sh...

Yo! So I plan on writing a blog post about Testimonies from Christians and the World, Asking for a sign, the prodigal son and all that stuff all wrapped in. I just need a powerful quote to tie it all together. You will be getting that posted soon enough. Look out for it: "I don't have a story!": The Power of the Christian Testimony. Also, I got to finish this PBS documentary about Malcolm X because it is off the chain. I'm going to have to  write about it in parts because it's so good and there's so many nuggets of goodness in there to expound on. Might have to watch it again just so I can catch all the nuggets: Here's the video if you want to watch. Also, I got to break down my hair. It's about that time. Look out for it in 1 - 5 days...

I will comment more later but I think it is important that people watch this.

As I was reading up on the skills needed for children within special education categories to transition into adult living, I came across the need for those students to develop self determination. I read up on self determination and realized, with shock, that I lack self determination skills. Of course, I then tried to label which special education category I fell in. SMH. The case of an amateur trying to diagnose. On Sunday, I watched a program called  "Unhooked" on Hope channel. Enablers was the theme of this specific episode and Nadine, my friend was featured. She spoke about how she did not have clear limits about what she was or wasn't willing to do and because of her willingness to please, she allowed people in her life to indulge in self destructive addictions.  The commentator mentioned that people need to be able to set up boundaries. As I watched, I realized that this was a major feature of self determination: realizing one's limits and being aware of what yo...

I've decided. I am celebrating Kwanzaa this year. I've made my decision. You know why? I let you know more about that later but Kwanzaa ain't bad. There's not one pagan celebration of the sun/moon/devil connected to it, although it does celebrate the harvest which can be connected to the celebration of harvest in many pagan/heathen/Wicca cultures. Hmmmm.... Look more into that later. But for right now, I'm marking down Kwanzaa in my calendar. I'm gonna celebrate the stuffing out of Kwanzaa this year. This don't even got anything to with race, although it would seem like that would go along with my recent train of blogs.  But Kwanzaa just seems great right now. I'm going to do it. Nest Blog: Why am I going to celebrate Kwanzaa?

So I'm watching this clip from the Hannity show on the FOX news network. Tell me why people act like their dumb? Here's the clip: My Analysis I definitely understand what he's talking about and I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that I feel all lovey-dovey about a black man getting with a white woman. But if that's what you wanna do. do you. Love is love and I cannot judge. I'm not hating on random strangers, especially Tiger Woods who, like may other biracial people of status and acclaim decide not to claim being white. So I'm not mad at dude for marrying a white woman. Let him do what he wants to do. He is not accountable to me nor is he accountable to the black community. He lost the accountability when he decided he was not black enough to be considered black. And even if he was black  to me, I am not Jesus so I can't judge him. When OJ married that white woman and got himself in trouble by killing her ( we all agreed that he killed he...

I'm going to pause and talk about the regularity of the digestive system, specifically the bowels and their movements. Remember when I made a list of all those checklists that would help me be healthier inside and out? Well, it's safe to say that I have not been keeping track of those things. Recently, I haven't been able to drink a lot of water.  I definitely drank more before moving to my new place of residence. I broke my water bottle and I keep losing my plastic ones. So I've been slacking on the hydrating my body front.Within the house I live in, I've been eating oatmeal mixed with fresh fruits and soy milk almost every morning, thanks to the consideration of my host dad.  That oatmeal has been very good for my dehydrated bowels which have been producing fewer movements per day but consistently at least once everyday. Unfortunately, some mornings, I do not have oatmeal and on those days, there is a marked difference in my bowel movements. Lets just say, I...

"The vast ignorance..." I live with white people right now in California. Older more mature white people have sense and even though they may believe something ridiculous about black people, they have enough sense to keep most of that crap in their heads (even then, some ignorance leaks out). Unfortunately, I am among younger people all the time and they say things like, "I like your kind of black people then regular black people." (this child speaks in reference to the fact that my heritage is Caribbean, specifically Grenadian.) I do not even believe he under stands the richness of Caribbean culture and how it has defined me as a person, nor does he not understand that I better associate with "regular" black people over white people. He probably saw a video of some Rastafarian men and thought they were cool.   The joke mentioned about how I can only see your teeth on the dark was almost close to n-word status. Or the big teeth/smile that all white peop...

I bought  to get some moisture back in my hair. Not to say that my hair was not moisturized but I love this product and I couldn't test my hair any more on things that I was not sure about. Safe to say, I'm a product junkie.So I re-twisted my ended last night with the product and I am content :)

Quite recently, I was speaking about having to wake up early in the morning in order to get a ride to the school. I was definitely hurt when someone responded and said that I was always complaining. Every once in a while, this person has hinted that I whine and complain. I was annoyed because to be quite honest I would love to use this person for a character comparison. Unfortunately, I actually like this person, which is why it hurt when I heard this person say this. Which made me think: Does this person even want to be around me? They don't respond to my texts and they give me strange looks. Unfortunately, I do complain but not in the spirit of being mean spirited and pessimistic. But mostly in the spirit of needing something to talk about. It annoys me that my life is only summed up in the amount of things I can complain about. It annoys me that I am not joyful enough to be better.Help me Jesus to be better. Phillipians 2:  14  Do all things without grumbling or disputing, ...

So I  pre-pooed my hair with  , mixed with half a pack of     , a good amount of   (which turned the whole mixture green), a generous amount of  , combined with a generous amount of   and a dab of  . All of these products smell great. But I'm honestly trying to finish them off before I go home and also I wanted to use all my products with silicones and parabens so that I could use my sulfate shampoos (hehehe) . So I mixed them together and I left them in while I finished watching  "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids". Youtube is a wonderful place. Then I washed them out with a mixture of  because I have it and   because I have scalp issues ( by the way scalp is itching right now,grr) . I brought this in the bathroom but I neglected to bring a conditioner (scary, right?). Wrong! After I washed out everything, I started parting my hair for twists. Then I sprayed each individual section with my mixture of ...

I was watching this video. In the video, there was this guy who was saying that light-skinned girls are more attractive than dark-skinned girls. Here is a link to the vid:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1PxfMiWKtg I couldn't watch the whole thing because while I respect his opinion and his logic, it was till depressing. I deal with insecurities and I ain't all there yet. Back to the vid.  Apparently he was being accused of being color struck but justifying his preferences by saying girls who got to have a man with money are not labelled at being money-struck or girls who got to have a man who lives on his own are not labelled as mother-struck. I had to agree with his logic because not only does he have a right to a preference, I feel his preference is more acceptable to me because he's not locking out a whole race. I cannot stand black men who say they are not attracted to black females because to be quite honest, it makes their mother and sisters feel bad. LOL. ...

O Jerusalem, wash your heart from wickedness, that you may be saved. How long shall your vain thoughts lodge within you? Jer. 4:14  I read the story of Jeremiah's pleas with Jerusalem and Judah before their captivity to the children yesterday. Later that night, I prayed for God to wash my heart or to help me wash my heart. I definitely experienced a strength exchange today. Where there was weakness in falling to temptation, there is now JOY in accomplishment. It's so funny how God works subtly to woo people back to Him. To woo me back to Him... always. Until all of a sudden there is joy and answers to prayer and duty and purpose.  "I am determined to have live with no chains."- Fred Hammond

When I was abo ut 17-18 (late teens), I woke up one Sunday morning and I opened my Bible to read. Now, it was during the time when I was very mystical about my Bible reading. Whatever verse I opened the Bible to had a "special" message for me for the day. So I would open and point/look. That morning I opened and my eyes rested on Ezekiel 12:1-3. This is what it says: The word of the LORD also came unto me, saying, Son of man, thou dwellest in the midst of a rebellious house, which have eyes to see, and see not; they have ears to hear, and hear not: for they are a rebellious house. Therefore, thou son of man, prepare thee stuff for removing, and remove by day in their sight; and thou shalt remove from thy place to another place in their sight: it may be they will consider, though they be   a rebellious house.  I was flabbergasted because I could define my house as being rebellious by the meaning of the verse. But I did not want to take the scr...

I thought I would check in and just let you know... This is a rant. I am wondering why I am in this profession. I hated elementary school. I remember days where I just did not feel like going to school. I would just stay at home. My reason for wanting to be a teacher is because I just want to do it better than my teachers did it. But my problem was never the teachers. It was my peers. And guess what? The same traits that made me dislike my peers (my sense of justice, respect for authority, my sensitivity, etc.) are still in me and the kids today are the same, if not worse, than my peers were back then. I wish I was stronger when I was younger . I will be stronger today. My problem is can I love kids who are like the kids that made my life a living hell when I was younger? All up to you God. They offered me a teacher's aid position over here. Not volunteer and this question about my motivation keeps coming back to bite me. I hated elementary school. Why do I want to be a teacher?

Someone told me that I am a singer but I just need to be more confident in the gift. I'm just shocked that I am nowhere better. I would hate to think that I am holding myself back. That would make me cry.

I'm thinking about the freedom that comes with being single. I'm thinking about things I want to do in ministry, in studies and socially. I have just put together a short snippet of my testimony and I  am thinking about posting it on this website: http://www.yourartichoke.com/Your_Artichoke/HOME.html Check it out see what you think!!! Will update later!!! Don't even ask me what I wanted to update because I do not know.

Happy Sabbath!! My last Sabbath at the Dorns (my present host family)

I know it has been a while since I have typed anything. But some major things are about to place and I thought I would come on and mention some before I leave you hanging. As you can see from the pic, I have added extensions to my hair. They are a little bit thiner than what I wanted but it ain't bad and I'm okay with the results. They are a little bit like Brandy's Boy is mine braids. If you do not know the reference, just know that the braids are longer than I thought I would make them. Their belly button length. They look like locs a little, which gives me more joy than you would think. I haven't curled the ends yet but I think I like the crazy ends. Another pic? Why not? Model Model! You know I had to. One pack of hair. All of this from one pack of hair. The Lord is blessing me right now. I won't lie. I have been having money issues and health issues but I am so glad I went to GYC, so glad I'm in Cali right now and so glad for my young people in BK. ...