The Cali Life

 In regards to the struggle for power, Langston Hughes stated: "Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did and it never will.". Of course, he was speaking about the oppression of people in America by the white elite. The organization of those in the abolitionist movement and of those in the suffrage movement, was necessary in order for power to concede the abolition of slavery or voting rights to women. The organization demands and the power conceded, slowly but surely. I see another lesson in this quote. Through Pharoah's talks with Moses, we see that demands had to be constant. For even though the cause is righteous, power concedes nothing without a consistent, demand. We must also realize the strength of will presented in Moses, probably fostered by God. Even though seemingly good compromises were made by the Pharaoh, Moses' requests stayed true to what God required of him. In being freed from the power of sin, we present ourselves before ourselves (In t

I just realized my desire for a dastardly dramatic love affair may come from music choices. Check out my playlist: Love - Musiq Soulchild The Chain - Ingrid Michaelsom This Time - John Legend This Time - Melanie Fiona Like You'll Never See Me Again - Alicia Keys Love songs - every single one. Some are just talking about love. Some are pleading for love. Some are talking about love lost. But every single one is about love. I'm seeing too much in every male appearance in my life even though I'm not mentally or practically ready for a relationship. I've been feeling for something reckless but that's not for me. So everything has got me wondering if I'm attractive "enough" to the opposite sex. Grrr! I'm not that chick. I'm giving up really fast. Because I can't win and that's not the fight I want to fight right now in my life. I want to fight to be good enough for me not the male population. Love songs got me fighting for something

I understand that I must be discerning and wise when it comes to men. I realize that I must make good choices when it comes to men, since it would be essential in building the character of my children. But I would like to be given the opportunity to like someone dashing and/or handsome and/or charming who like me back. I would enjoy a man's attention. Unfortunately, I do not have the disposition that would allow me to be free to  pick just any man that presents himself regardless of their character or personality. Nor do I have the luxury of being completely free of self conscious thought which allows me to assume that I cannot ever be sincerely complimented. But for a day, I want that freedom. A whirlwind romance, a love affair, a bad romance. Comedic  right? Bad romances are for the careless and irresponsible.

Have you ever so utterly despised who you were that everything about yourself made you cry? How do you live with yourself? Is there a cure? How can you breathe in the same body as yourself? Is it possible for you to not be who you are? Is there a point where life gets better? Can you survive this? I'm a firm believer that people who do not like themselves are either doomed to keep searching or to give up. I am always in pursuit. Or am I standing still? I'll be plain: I'm not happy. The persistence of my unhappiness is so thoroughly engulfed in self. I'm not happy. I know it's something I want. I feel the desire for it. But I am not who I want to be. I am so unforgivably stuck. Who cures the forever stagnant? Doesn't God hear the prayers of the broken and contrite? Have I not cried enough? Does my sadness seem like some thing to yearn for? Do you hear me? Why don't you listen? Am I to dirty for You to hear me? Is there a God for the forsaken? If I'm so ta