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This Time

#Makeitwonderful So I'm up on this song right now. It's by Melanie Fiona and it talks about how much more the speaker/singer would put into their relationship the next time around. Take a listen or a watch... I think it's a powerful message for those seeking a second, third, fourth, fifth ... chance at life. Right now, I live with a family in which the husband must have done something bad in the past because no matter how much good he does (and he does a lot of good), it will never be enough. This is my issue. The past was hard to live through the first time. Why would I want to pay for it in every second for the rest of my life? This song speaks of putting the past behind and promising the best for the future. Let go of the past. I can't live with the guilt of the past. I can only pour all of me into a occurring present for a brighter future.  ...But I don’t wanna do it over The first time is gone away You can’t rewrite the past All I can do is say This t
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Dreams never lived

We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves,... -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest I've been ignoring this idea for a couple of days, that I have not accomplished things that I have shied away from for whatever reason. It's depressing to think of how far I've gone from my unfulfilled dreams. I always settle for less than best.  I've dreamed of changing the youth program over here in California where I attend church. Never did it. I've dreamed of empowering my young people back home to make changes. Never did it. I've dreamed of becoming a Senior Youth Leader. Never finished! I've dreamed of being a Medical Missionary. Not accomplished. I dreamed of sining my own songs before people. Not done yet. I dreamed of writing tons of books. Completely unfulfilled. So in listening to the motivational speeches, I focus on things that I can do in the future rather than the things in the past that I have not accomplished but in truth, they

Happy New Year!!!

#makeitwonderful What does this mean? Make this year full of wonder. Do something shockingly great. Find something surprisingly grand. Be someone extraordinarily amazing. Make this year wonderful. Do it BIG!!!

Power concedes nothing...

 In regards to the struggle for power, Langston Hughes stated: "Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did and it never will.". Of course, he was speaking about the oppression of people in America by the white elite. The organization of those in the abolitionist movement and of those in the suffrage movement, was necessary in order for power to concede the abolition of slavery or voting rights to women. The organization demands and the power conceded, slowly but surely. I see another lesson in this quote. Through Pharoah's talks with Moses, we see that demands had to be constant. For even though the cause is righteous, power concedes nothing without a consistent, demand. We must also realize the strength of will presented in Moses, probably fostered by God. Even though seemingly good compromises were made by the Pharaoh, Moses' requests stayed true to what God required of him. In being freed from the power of sin, we present ourselves before ourselves (In t

Oh No! Not my music!

I just realized my desire for a dastardly dramatic love affair may come from music choices. Check out my playlist: Love - Musiq Soulchild The Chain - Ingrid Michaelsom This Time - John Legend This Time - Melanie Fiona Like You'll Never See Me Again - Alicia Keys Love songs - every single one. Some are just talking about love. Some are pleading for love. Some are talking about love lost. But every single one is about love. I'm seeing too much in every male appearance in my life even though I'm not mentally or practically ready for a relationship. I've been feeling for something reckless but that's not for me. So everything has got me wondering if I'm attractive "enough" to the opposite sex. Grrr! I'm not that chick. I'm giving up really fast. Because I can't win and that's not the fight I want to fight right now in my life. I want to fight to be good enough for me not the male population. Love songs got me fighting for something

Caught in a Bad Romance

I understand that I must be discerning and wise when it comes to men. I realize that I must make good choices when it comes to men, since it would be essential in building the character of my children. But I would like to be given the opportunity to like someone dashing and/or handsome and/or charming who like me back. I would enjoy a man's attention. Unfortunately, I do not have the disposition that would allow me to be free to  pick just any man that presents himself regardless of their character or personality. Nor do I have the luxury of being completely free of self conscious thought which allows me to assume that I cannot ever be sincerely complimented. But for a day, I want that freedom. A whirlwind romance, a love affair, a bad romance. Comedic  right? Bad romances are for the careless and irresponsible.
Have you ever so utterly despised who you were that everything about yourself made you cry? How do you live with yourself? Is there a cure? How can you breathe in the same body as yourself? Is it possible for you to not be who you are? Is there a point where life gets better? Can you survive this? I'm a firm believer that people who do not like themselves are either doomed to keep searching or to give up. I am always in pursuit. Or am I standing still? I'll be plain: I'm not happy. The persistence of my unhappiness is so thoroughly engulfed in self. I'm not happy. I know it's something I want. I feel the desire for it. But I am not who I want to be. I am so unforgivably stuck. Who cures the forever stagnant? Doesn't God hear the prayers of the broken and contrite? Have I not cried enough? Does my sadness seem like some thing to yearn for? Do you hear me? Why don't you listen? Am I to dirty for You to hear me? Is there a God for the forsaken? If I'm so ta